Saturday, June 14, 2008

Iccky SPAM of the Day

Subject line:
Special fancies off aunt awakes by twins

just stupid.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

All I wanted was an eggplant and some M&M's


Memphis police are searching for two men wanted for robbing the SunTrust Bank located inside the Kroger supermarket at 540 South Mendenhall late Wednesday morning.

Officials said the men entered the Kroger around 10:20am Thursday, went to the SunTrust teller station, and robbed the tellers of an undetermined amount of money.

OK, things have officially gotten too convenient. I was gonna put up with the KFC/Exxon combo. But damn, when you go in Kroger, you just hope to get out of line before your cookie dough melts. Not to get all caught up in a bank robbery.

Maybe banks should be like outlet stores... the old ones, that were an "outlet" and free-standing. Not the new ones which just have last years shit in a strip mall version of the same damn thing in a mall. Banks need to be in places where bullets will stick into a wall, not hit granny while she shops for pickles.

I say find these human shit stains and make them stand in line with four items, in the express line behind a fat chick with a full cart and a screaming baby with a very contagious baby virus... for twenty years. They could switch out the baby.

Union Avenue is NOT "base"

Stop crossing Union Ave. at rush hour on foot. It's never a good idea, but you people that walk across Union in heavy traffic are asking to get mashed. Most of you don't even get the concept of a cross walk anyway, so just stop doing it, period. People as dumb as you shouldn't be allowed away from your dusty, crumb covered cubicle anyway. Oh, and on that same note, the center, yellow line does NOT have a force field around it, you can be hit while standing there like a tangle-footed pigeon. Getting to Danver's before the chipped beef dries out is not worth your life or ruining someone else's day/life depending how bad your stupid ass gets hurt. And really, would you really wanna fuck up somebody's fresh Mr. Pride detail job with all that useless, splattered, alleged brain matter?
Save a life - Order a pizza for lunch.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Iccky SPAM of the Day

Subject Line:
Mother helps by pushing her fingeers
within dauus humid enters
Maybe dauu needs to install a window AC

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

The BIG snore.


Ever sleep with someone who snores so loud that you fear you may never actually get a decent nights sleep again. My partner snores like King Kong with a sinus infection. He knows this. I have recorded it, played it for him and he laughed - So, I have made him very aware of it, as well has anyone else who hears the unnaturally loud sound that best imitates a buzz saw on the blink. It's very irregular. I'll try to map out one regular session. "snort-snort..... heeeeaaaaaheerrrrrrrrrrrrSNORT! and on and on. You can imagine being sound asleep and someone busting a paper bag in your ear like it was your birthday at Los Compadres? That's it. It's makes my nerves so on edge I go get on the couch, take some kind of pill and watch Dirty Jobs- with purdy Mike Rowe on the discovery channel until I finally pass out and go get back in bed. By this time the snoring has usually calmed enough for me to continue my nap.
Can anyone say Sleep Aptnia?
I have found that if I leave the TV on in the bedroom that I can focus passed the snoring for the most part an fall to sleep. However, He will occasionally wake up a mumble something incoherent with his eyes shut - like; "TV...Done - sneeert... Heeeeeareeeeeeeeeeerrrra-SNORT. So, apparently it REALLY interrupts his sleep. So, looks like the couch for me. Even Ambien has given up. Boy, if Tennessee allowed gay marriage, I wonder if this would be grounds for divorce.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Leave 'em Laughing!


When I was a kid we had three channels. I looked forward every week to watching the Carol Burnett show. It may have been a little cheesy, but, so what... I'm cheesy ad I was 10. Harvey Korman along with the rest of the crew made a whole lotta folks laugh, and laugh a lot. We all need more laughing in our lives. And spending a lifetime providing giggles is pretty good credit to get into ye ol' pearly gates.

Thanks dude. You totally rocked.

Monkeys are awesome!